hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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