There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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