apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she pinky promised me she was 18
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
