420 ftw
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
