So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
