I'm going to jail i love you
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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