he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
