I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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