she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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