i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
