I think I am morally bankrupt
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
