WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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