sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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