Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
