He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
whose ass print is on the piano?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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