I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
