Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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