i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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