thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
