FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
