I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
