I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
