she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
