I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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