he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My vagina is officially offended.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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