you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
