the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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