You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
