I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
