is your mom at the bar?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
