I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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