Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
