Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
