did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
