There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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