i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
