Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
im six kinds of drunk right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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