I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
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