I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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