I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
