I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
