I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
