it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
