I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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