I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Someone came in the potted fern
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
