My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
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I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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