Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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