you guys were way drunker than both of me
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
