I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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