I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
