So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
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Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
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Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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