Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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