I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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