I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
