I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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