apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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