How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
