I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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