shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
