did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
