my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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