I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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