you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
