Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You're like the curious george of whores
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We're using joints as your birthday candles
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
