haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
