I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
wow bdsm is so cute
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
