Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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