If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
