I think my fart just growled at me.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think your dad took our porno
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
