Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
