they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
this must be what syphilis tastes like
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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