I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize