He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
