My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
