quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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