you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
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That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
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You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize