remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
