I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
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